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it takes a while to learn to live in your own skin
November 2007
 
 
 
 
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Fri, Nov. 30th, 2007 12:06 pm
Comment and I'll :
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

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Sun, Feb. 11th, 2007 01:46 am
some things i need to get off my chest...


some days i feel like such a horrible person. seriously. my aunt has been in the hospital for weeks and i've not visited as often as i should. it's not that i don't care or even that i'm too busy, i just don't want to be at the hospital. i don't want to deal with another person in my family dying. it's completely selfish. it almost seems like a horrible dream that i can't wake up from.

everytime it seems things will get better and easier to deal with something else comes up. it's always times like these that all those unresolved issues come right back and bite you in the ass.

in case anyone's wondered why i've not been around or as talkative as normal, here you have it. my aunt's in the hospital. she won't make it out. she's dying. she can't breathe on her own, eat on her own or even make her own heart beat on her own. they've done two different trach's on her throat so she can actually breathe on her own and neither have worked. they put a temporary feeding tube in her side only to replace it with a permanent one in her stomach a week later along with another tube that goes to her heart.

there are people in this world who have dealt with far worse than me and everyday i am thankful because i know there are worse things. i know there are many people out there who have dealt with all these worse things and have made it through just fine. i know i will be just fine as well. it's just....somedays it's easier to pretend that life is alright when it's not. today isn't one of those days.

Current Mood: sad sad

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Fri, Dec. 8th, 2006 04:27 am
i decided after my grandma died that i was going to make a scrapbook of her for my mom. then i decided to make two others for my aunts as well. it's going to be part of their christmas presents. i think they are going to really like them. maybe i should have waited until next year since this is the first christmas she won't be with us. although i think it's fitting. she's always with us in spirit. now anyday they want to look back upon her life and smile the chance will be there.

they bought a paver for her at the cross in the woods as well that will be put in next spring.
bobby, johnny and granny's are already there. i still haven't gone to see those. maybe sometime before new years.

surprisingly everyone seems to be doing really well with the holidays upon us. i had thought it was going to be more difficult. here's hoping it stays that way.

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Fri, Dec. 8th, 2006 04:16 am

OK - I have to write six random things about me, then tag six of you back to do the same, ad infinitum.
i was tagged by my wonderful friend roni, also known as dandelion wings.

1. my attention span is very short. it's hard to keep my attention for very long unless it's something very interesting. i've noticed a lot that my mind will completely wander and i appear to be listening when i'm really not. i'm working on that.

2. i think i have a mild case of OCD. my personal space, otherwise known as my bedroom, is generally a complete mess. however, with work and other things in the household everything has to be pretty organized and orderly.

3. i LOVE photography. old photographs interest me especially. part of working in a photo lab that i loved was seeing the different views people have with their photos, old and new.

4. i adore children. while most adults can't keep me interested for more than five minutes, kids can have me for hours. some of the best times i've had as an adult is playing duck-duck-goose or other kiddie games with children. it's refreshing to see how differently they see the world.

5. i'm allergic to cats. depending on the household it can range from being really bad to tolerable. i'm usually fine in most homes as long as i remember my allergy medication but i've had situations where it's gotten bad enough i couldn't breathe.

6. i have a weakness for brownies, curly hair and men that are good with kids. :)

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Sun, Sep. 10th, 2006 12:51 am

My Interests Collage!Collapse )
Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

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Thu, Aug. 24th, 2006 11:12 pm

the girl chris was seeing in arizona but who was not his girlfriend messaged me the other day and this was a part of it:
And for the record, he only told me about you and felicia (I am gonna copy this msg to her, too) when we had lunch a few weeks ago just before I met Steve. He had mentioned you guys very very briefly once or twice, but I got an earful before he left to go hang out with his "roommate" in NM for 2 weeks.
And for what it is worth, I really think he has been smitten by you for quite some time. I think he still "pines" for you in his heart...but what do I know.


i just don't get it. i really don't. what he says and tells others is completely different than how he acts. i felt bad that i didn't call him back after he called me to offer well wishes for daede's surgery but things have been crazy. working two jobs is not fun at all and i don't think i'll be doing that for much longer. i messaged him on myspace and myspace being the wonder that it is tells me he's read the message already but of course he hasn't responded. because everything has always been different with me. he ignores me and then doesn't. he won't even fight with me. not saying i want to fight, but nothing ever gets resolved for us to even be friends because he doesn't want to talk about it. ever.


i'm tired. i'm heading to bed. i've been getting up between 5:00 and 5:30am all week. i'm beat.

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Sun, Jul. 30th, 2006 12:38 am

all sorts of things have happened, have been happening. i don't quite know where to start.
daede's surgery is coming up. i know if you've been reading along with crystal you know about that.
even though i know that he will be just fine it still worries me. surgery on babies is just one of those things that you hope you never have to see. i think it's good that it's something that can be done now to correct his head, instead of later, in his school years. i can just imagine the teasing he would have to go through if it was something that they needed to wait to do.
i miss crystal and the kids like crazy. ever since vacation when we spent almost two weeks together. i miss maggie as well. i miss cambria and josh, even though i just seen them last week at my pool party. the next party will be more fun. no crazy co-workers that aren't mine and who are irresponsible. i have to say that's one thing i love about our "regular group". we are all good friends, even if we don't see each other as often as we'd like. we all take care of each other when needed.

i have a new job. i am now a photographer for lifetouch studios.
now i just need the balls to quit my current job. i don't even know why i bother to care anymore. it seems i'm the only one there that does care about anything anymore. cindy tried to teach me this lesson long ago, at siena. i didn't learn it then and i'm still not learning it now. she told me that i just have to let it go, let them fail, not try to do everyone's job for them if they aren't doing what they should. it's just not me to let anything fail. if i let them fail, i'd let the event fail...if i don't do others "jobs" at work they don't either. although i don't see why i care so much if they don't. it's not like it's even a great company. i love most of the people i work with. i love the people i worked with before even more. although the company is just as greedy and as every other company in this great country of ours. i just don't see how it makes sense to screw all the people out there making you your money.
that will just get me into an entirely different can of worms. i used to think this country was great. i still haven't decided if i was delusional or if it's just current leaders. probably a lot of both.


it's amazing how wrong you can be about someone you thought you knew.
when you are honest as you possibly can be with others, you expect them to be that way with you too.
sometimes i think i was/am just completely stupid.
because at times i miss him and at times i think maybe now he's actually being honest with me, because really, he now has no reason not to....all the damage is already done, right?

i am now a quarter of a century old. as if i didn't feel old enough being 25 before paul actually threw that one at me.
sometimes i really feel like i'm on the wrong track. where is my life headed? what am i supposed to be doing?
quarter-life crisis? probably.

have you ever got the feeling you passed up something or missed something important but can't quite figure out what it was?

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

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Wed, May. 3rd, 2006 10:35 pm
i was told something the other day that really got me thinking...
it doesn't even matter who said it or why because it can be used in just about anything.

"everyday she does the best job she can do today. even if yesterday the best job she could do was more than the best job she could do today, remember that everyday she does the best that she can do."

that's all you can ever ask for really.
to wake up and do the best job you can today.
if you can't make it out of bed, if you run a marathon, if you emotionally detach yourself for a while, or even run through the grass barefoot because you enjoy the feeling...
if you're doing the best you possibly can at any given moment, that's all you can really hope for.
it shouldn't matter if anyone else understands it or even agrees.

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Tue, Apr. 25th, 2006 12:50 am

the heidelberg project the heidelberg project
http://www.heidelberg.org/

the rest of my pictures are in my scrapbook here on livejournal if you wanted to look at them.  
well, not the rest of them....i took a lot of pictures.  there are quite a few in my scrapbook though.
check out their website too.  
it's an amazing street to walk down.  there is soo much to see.
i guess there is something worth coming to detroit to see.  go figure. 

edit:  the picture i chose above was randomly selected.  it isn't my favorite.  it was just the one i happened to click on to post to my journal. 

Current Music: wreckingboy - the gifts that you gave

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Fri, Apr. 14th, 2006 06:37 pm


gramma


my grandmother when she was 19. :)
we had this photo restored and it looks amazing.

she's in good hands now.

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